TCK's and Education

So here's something that's not talked about enough: TCK's and education.

I genuinely believe that being a TCK is one of my life's biggest blessings (though sometimes I can see it as a curse, such as when I lose touch with friends due to the constant distance) and I think that any child who has lived a similar life is so lucky. Through our TCK lifestyle, we gain a unique and wonderful understanding of the world, one that I feel you can't really get otherwise. You understand other cultures in ways that you can only if you experienced them for yourself. That said, sometimes certain things, such as TCK education (ie. the education of a TCK) can be negatively affected by this otherwise extraordinary lifestyle.

This post is directed to parents, teachers, educators, school psychologists, school counselors, and to students themselves, in order for everyone to gain a better understanding of what being a student and a TCK is like (and what some of the struggles are!).

Notes:
1. I am a TCK and a school psychologist in training, so I would say I am pretty well equipped to write about this. 
2. This post is and will always be a work in progress: I will continue to add things to it as they come to me, particularly in the recommendations section, so that it may serve as a recourse. 

Illustration from: https://midnightmediamusings.wordpress.com/2014/07/01/the-impact-of-the-tck-phenomenon-why-study-it/

TCKs (third culture kids - kids who grow up outside their parents' culture and move around a lot, usually from country to country) can face difficulties with school. There are so many factors that come into play when it comes to this. One rather obvious one is curriculum changes.

When a student moves from one school to another, it is likely that he or she will either be ahead or behind in certain areas, depending on the curriculum that was used at the individual schools. Over the next few months, he/she may need to play a catch-up game or need some extra help in order to be at the level of his/her peers. This is totally normal and expected; most teachers and school personnel such as psychologists or counselors understand this. This becomes a more significant issue when the child is a TCK and the curriculum changes aren't just between cities within one country, but rather changes between multiple countries. 

An example is if a child went to an international school for 1st to 3rd grade, where he learned "World History" (or maybe European history, or Middle Eastern History, etc. depending on where he/she lived), and then moved to the U.S., then it's very likely this TCK will not have the same amount of knowledge on American history as his or her peers. This does not mean that the child is intellectually lacking, but rather simply that the child learned something different and may not be as familiar with certain topics his peers know well.

Another "problem" or concern with TCK's and their education is that, sometimes, when a student moves around often, he/she might not learn something at all, due to these curriculum changes. I can use myself as an example of this. I moved to the UK from Saudi Arabia in 6th grade, and then to Milan in 7th grade, and then back to Saudi Arabia in 8th grade. Between those two years of me being "abroad", my "local" classmates in Saudi Arabia took a geography class. My classmates in the UK were not going to be taking a geography class until the 7th grade, and my classmates in Italy already took their geography class in 6th grade. So, by the time I returned to Saudi Arabia in 8th grade, all my peers had a really good understanding of world geography, and (even though I physically moved around the world, haha) I was severely lacking in that subject!

Alsooooo, when you move, you have to completely redefine yourself. Personally, this often came as a relief to me, because I got to completely start over. But I remember so clearly the first time I moved (to England from Saudi Arabia) I had the HARDEST time with this, because I didn't know how to prove to my teachers or peers who I am. They saw my quiet, shy nature as being rude or inattentive, when really I was just struggling to fit in. In my old school, I was known as the good kid. The kid who never got into trouble, who was quiet, polite, and worked hard. The teachers knew my family well, as all three of my brothers had studied at this school as well. When I moved to England, no one knew me, and for some reason they thought I was some bad, rebellious kid. I have so many examples of this, but here's one: one day, maybe a month or two into the school year, we had a substitute teacher in our ELA class. There was a girl named Alisha in my class, and because everyone always pronounced my name incorrectly (my name is eye-sha, and most people pronounce it ay-E-sha, which sounds a lot like Alisha!), which is how the trouble began. She read out either my or her name, and both of us raised our hands. When she saw us both raising our hands, instead of assuming maybe one of us heard wrong, or that we both had similar names, she just yelled at us. She thought we were trying to prank her. My classmates all looked at me like I was a freaking devil. I tried to explain but the sub told me to shut up, which made it even worse. I almost burst into tears. I was not used to this at all; in my old school, everyone knew me and knew I wouldn't ever prank a teacher (lolol)! Sixth grade was the worst year of my life, but it taught me that I need to go the extra mile in the beginning of the school year to show my teachers and classmates who I am, before they can brand me as who they think I am. So, what I am trying to say here is that when a student moves to a new school, he/she has to completely redefine themselves and "prove" who they are. They can't rely on the past or their past behavior to dictate who they are. They can't rely on their friends, their teachers, etc. because no one here knows them. It's up to them to show the world what kind of kid they are, and to try twice as hard to prove who they really are, before anyone can brand them, for them.

Education or schooling (or being a student, I suppose) isn't just about what you learn, what curriculum you follow, what your grades are like... A child's social-life (or development of social skills) can be negatively affected by this lifestyle. What I mean by this is, children often make friends and learn social skills at school, through interactions they have with their peers, or at recess, or through projects they work on, etc. When a student moves to a different school, he/she has to rebuild these connections and reform relationships with his peers. Sometimes, it is easy to make new friends and to adjust. Other times, it is extremely difficult to be the new kid and not know anyone. 

Currently, I can't think of anything else I would like to add above, but if something else comes to me later on in my life, I will be sure to write about it on this post. I just want everyone to know that being a TCK is already hard enough, and having shitty experience at school can make it even worse. So, please, everyone go out of your way to be kind and helpful to each other, in all walks of life (and especially to new kids at your schools!). Before I end this, I want to give some recommendations to students who are TCKs, to parents of TCK students, and to school-based professionals. 

Recommendations for TCK students:

• Firstly, don't worry. I promise it will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.
• Secondly, as cliché as this sounds, be yourself. Be. Yourself. 
  • One thing I have realized in my life is that no matter how badly I wish I was someone else, I'm not. I'm me. I'm stuck with me whether I like it or not, so I might as well enjoy it and be unapologetically me. 
  • That said, if you be yourself, you are bound to attract like-minded, similar people to you! You'll make friends with people who are like you, and you will fit in, even if that means you get to fit in with the "nerds" instead of the "jocks" (or maybe you'll fit in with everyone!).
  • I've tried to be someone I'm not, and it never worked. But every single time I just was me, I found amazing friends at each school. 
  • As Dr. Seuss once said, "Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive who is youer than you!". 
• Thirdly, do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
  • The adults at your school probably want to help you. Whether it be a teacher, advisor, nurse, counselor, principle, etc. they want their students to be happy and successful at their school. 
  • Sometimes, it's not really about "being scared" to ask for help, but rather not knowing that you can ask for help, or not knowing who to ask.
    • If you are struggling, please, please, please remember that THERE IS NO SHAME in speaking to an adult about it. Talk to them, explain what's going on, and if you can't explain because you yourself don't understand what's going on, let them help you try to understand.
    • To any school-based professionals reading this, this is for you too.. Please go out of your way to make sure students know they can talk to you, and school counselors/psychs, please make sure your students know that you exist. 
  • Fourthly, remember that you are not alone.
    • You might be the only new student in your class, or even in your school, but I promise you that you aren't alone. A lot of students at  your school probably were new themselves at one point or another. Also, remember that the world is huge and that whatever you are going through, chances are someone else has gone through it as well. Google things! Maybe you'll find a forum for new students, or maybe you'll make a penpal from across the world who is a new student somewhere as well! You are not alone. It helps to remember that, because sometimes when everything sucks, you feel like no one understands you, but I promise that isn't true. 
  • Fifthly, remember that even if you miss your old school, your old friends, your old house, etc. that if you open your heart, maybe you can find that you have room in your heart for all your old things (friends, school, home) and also for all the new <3. Your heart is not definite; it is infinite. 

Recommendations for parents of TCK students:

• Changing schools is so, so, so hard for students! Try to make it easier for your child / children by enrolling them at a school that has a similar curriculum as his/her previous school.
  • For example, if you move from America to England, try to enroll your child in either an international or American school instead of a public British school, especially if you plan on moving your family again (ie. your kids are going to be TCKs and not immigrants). This is important because it will help stabalize the child's education. Different countries have different education systems, and if you can keep them "similar" where ever you move, and every time you move, then this will cause the least amount of confusion and struggle.
    • Imagine transitioning from an American public school to doing A levels or O levels, when you don't even know what that means, and then trying to re-transition back to an Americanized school system... (or vise versa). 
• If you are the parent of more than one TCK student, and  can enroll both / all your kids into the same school, do that instead of sending them to different schools. 
  • That way, they can check in on each other. The older siblings can look out for their younger ones. 
  • It will also make it easier for yourself to keep up with everything, because each school has its own culture, expectations, rules, etc. 
• Check in with your kids everyday, and be involved.
  • Ask them how their day at school was, and really listen. 
  • Talk to your children's teachers, and ask them how they think your child is adjusting.
  • Encourage the school counselor/psychologist to check in with your child every now-and-then to make sure your child knows that there is someone looking out for them, that they can talk to someone and that there is no shame in that, and that they are cared for by the school.
  • Attend as many parent-teacher conferences, band recitals, sports games, etc. as you possibly can, to show your child that you really care!
  • Before you move, please talk to your child. Be real with them and explain why the sudden lifestyle change. Listen to their concerns ("but all my friends are here!") and validate them. Put yourself in their shoes, especially if you are not a TCK yourself. It is an extraordinarily difficult lifestyle for children, so go out of your way to be the best parent you can be during this difficult time between telling them that they're moving-them adjusting at their new school environment.
• Be understanding.
  • Moving around the world as an adult is honestly way cooler than it is as a child. For you, as an adult, maybe moving to South Africa is the coolest thing ever, but maybe for your child it's a jail sentence in hell. As an adult, you have way more coping skills and strategies than your child. You don't have to struggle with the same things that they have to. Try to be empathetic, and before anything else, make sure what you are doing is in the best interest of your child.
• PS., I am working on another article that is specifically advice for TCA's (third culture adults) and how to help their TCK children, so check that out later! I will link it here when the article is finished. 

Recommendations for school-based personnel (teachers, counselors, psychologists, principles, etc.): 

• Have a new-student or new-family field day, picnic, open house, etc. 
  • Have some sort of event that allows new families and their students to come to, to meet other new families/new students. 
    • This could be really helpful for new students, because they get to meet each other and then they will already have a friend on the first day of school.
  • Try to divide families up by the grades their kids are in, if possible. That way, it will be easier for the students from each grade to meet each other and to mingle. 
  • Allow families or current-students to attend as well, and to be welcoming to the new families/students.
    • This allows some of the new students to make friends with the old/current students.
    • If an old/current student is struggling socially or does not have many friends, this could also be beneficial for him/her because then they will have a chance to make friends with the new students.
• HAVE A BUDDY SYSTEM.
  • I AM WRITING THIS IN CAPS BECAUSE THIS IS SO SO SO OBVIOUS BUT SCHOOLS DON'T DO IT FOR SOME REASON. Of all the times I have moved, ONLY ONE SCHOOL had a new-student-buddy-system and that transition was the easiest of all my transitions, specifically because of this system!!! 
  • What I mean by a buddy system:
    • Have current students volunteer to be "buddies" to the new students. Responsibilities and expectations of buddies should be stated clearly. For the purposes of explaining this, I will call the buddy who is a current student CS and a buddy who is a new student NS.
      • CS's should be responsible for the following:
        • 1. Meeting their NS at a dedicated spot on the first day of school, before class starts!
          • If the school serves breakfast, the CS should meet the NS at the entrance of the cafeteria, for example. 
        • 2. The CS should walk with the NS to each of the NS's classes.
          • IF the NS has French first period, for example, then the CS should take the NS to French class before going to their own class.
          • The CS should leave his/her class two to five minutes early (depending on how big the school is) in order to make it to NS's classroom after that period ends.
          • The CS should walk the NS to his/her next classroom.
          • The CS should do this with the NS for at least one week, or until the NS is comfortable finding his/her classroom on his own (which ever comes first).
        • The CS should invite the NS to sit with him/her at any and all free periods, such as recess and/or lunch. 
        • The CS should be a resource for the NS and available to answer any questions such as, "where's the bathroom?" or "how tough is this teacher?". 
    • The buddy system is beneficial for all students. It allows students who don't necessarily have too many friends or who are struggling socially (but are responsible individuals) to make a new friend - the new student! It also helps the new student transition, find his/her classrooms with ease, have someone to sit with during meals, etc. 
    • The American School in Milan (ASM) was the first and only school that I attended that had this. It genuinely made transitioning so much easier for me. I knew that I wouldn't get lost, or have no one to sit with on the first day of school, because my buddy would be helping me. I went on to be a buddy myself to two other new students during the school year, which gave me a feeling of responsibility, and made me feel that the faculty valued me in their community. 
  • Counseling services for new students.
    • Hi school counselors and psychologists, this is mainly for you!
    • PLEASE be obnoxious! Please make sure every student, old and new, knows who you are, where your office is, and that they can come talk to you anytime, about anything! 
    • Please go out of your way in the beginning of the school year (when, IMO, most new students enroll at schools) to make sure the new kids are adjusting and transitioning okay. If that means having screenings on all the new kids, or lunch-brunch (each day with the new students of a different year. For example, Monday with the new students in 6th grade, Tuesday with the new students in 7th grade...) for a month, or setting up mandatory singular, 15-minute counseling sessions with each one of the new students in the first few weeks to see how they're transitioning (and telling them they they can always make another appoint), or hanging up posters in the hall pointing to where your office is, or just getting to know their names and saying hi in the hallways... please do it! 
      • Obviously, if a new student joins in the middle of the school year or something, do the same for him/her then as well.
    • Please do a mid-year check in with them as well. 
    • If you have access to their previous academic records, see if their grades have dropped suddenly. If they have, it might be a sign that they're struggling with their transition. Talk to them!​

To finish off, I just want to remind all parents to be advocates for their children, all school-personnel to be advocates for their students, and all students to be advocates for themselves (as difficult as that may be at times). <3