Tomorrow is a Mystery

I have a question for my fellow TCKs. ​Is it just me, or does the idea of settling down both scare you and also fill you with so much peace? Does it make your legs shake, your mind slippery-slope, and your skin crawl? But does it also, at the same time, make you feel like you are inhaling the coolest, chilliest, most refreshing breath of air, while making your heart beat slower, and sigh with relief? Because that's exactly how I feel. 

The thought of settling down and living in one place forever scares me, but at the same time, brings me SO much peace. I want a home. I want a garden. I want so many pets. I want to be able to have and do normal things, like... unpack all my suitcases, permanently. 

I haven't lived in the same dorm/house/apartment/whatever for longer than 1 year since before 2009. I've moved every single year for the past 10 years. When I was younger, that was fun, exciting, and often relieving (because I hated almost every dorm I lived in and couldn't wait to move!). But the older I get, the more I crave normalcy. 

But, the more I crave normalcy, the more it scares me. I'm not normal. I think I'm scared of becoming normal. Of becoming a local. Of losing my desire or ability to travel and experience the world in a way you can only by moving constantly. I've always promised myself that, if I can afford to, I will travel internationally (meaning outside of whatever country I'm residing in at the time), and I really hope to bring my future children with me. That thought brings me relief. But there are so many questions I have for future me in terms of settling down.

Where? What country? What city? Is it close to family and/or friends, or out in the middle of no where? Do I like it there? Do I have to learn another language? Will I ever truly feel like I belong and am accepted there? 

I guess only time will tell. For now, I'll continue my life as it is. I'll continue being a nomad, until one day, I can be a nomad no more. 

Photo by me, taken on a road trip across Saudi Arabia. For more of my and my brother Adeen's photography, follow us on Instagram at www.instagram.com/a.z.s.photography