Yunus.

Dear Diary,

Hi. It's me. Again.

This time, I dreamt I had a son. Well, I dreamed I was pregnant and we just found out it was a baby boy. We were over the moon. I told my husband I already had a name picked out. I said I'd picked this name out a long time ago, when we were dreaming and yearning and wishing and praying of one day being in this moment. "Yunus. Like the Prophet. The one who was swallowed by a whale and still didn't give up hope. It's perfect!"

God was gentle with my heart. This time, He didn't wake me in the middle of the dream, causing me to look around the room frantically or touch my belly and wonder, "Where is my baby?". 

No.

God was merciful and let me forget. I forgot, until I was downing my lunch as quick as I could while doomscrolling TikTok. I saw a video which said, "They told me 'You can try again...' like this one didn't already have a name in my heart.'" Then, I remembered. I remembered all too well.

Yunus.

لَّا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ

"There is no god but You; glory be to You! Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers."